Haiku About Roommates

Who ate my cookies?
The dryer runs at midnight.
Fuck this fucking shit.

The trouble with kids these days (a haiku)

Kids. Can't shut them up,
Can't tie them to the sofa
Can't sell them online.

Dragon Warrior IV Haiku - Part 1, Narcoleptic Bomb Crag

A Bomb Crag appears

But it is always asleep

It is exhausted

Leper King Haiku

Leper King Baldwin

Has faith in Orlando Bloom

He is misguided

American Idol Haiku Project - Week 5 Winner

With 35 points the winner is...you guessed it, Riley. I'm told the students are concerned the fix may be in. I assure you there is no fix. I'm far too lazy. Perhaps instead of bitching about the results you will rise to the challenge and submit better material next week.

Ms. Keys sings quite well

She taught them a thing or two

She rocks the keys too

OK then. Congrats again Riley. I'm told we are once again interfering with actual school work, so we may or may not have additional submissions this season. You are, of course, more than welcome to submit your haiku to Skynet and we'll most likely find a way of using them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm watching Contact, so here is a picture of MIR.

S. R. Hadden lived out his final days on MIR.

American Idol Haiku Project - Week 4 Winner

It was a hotly contested race this week, but emerging victoriously for the second time in the competition is Riley with 30 first place points. Congrats. You're turning into a regular Allen Ginsburg...if Allen Ginsburg ever wrote haiku about ghastly TV shows.

The loser was Tim

He was not that good this week

Go take a cry, Tim

Riley?

American Idol Update: Week 10

We're down to six. The end is nigh and so on. This is usually when I start to wonder what I'm going to watch when Idol ends. Fortunately for me the baseball season has started. Unfortunately for me, the Dodgers are embarrassing this year. Oh well. I have a lot of DVDs.

The American Idol Haiku Project is chugging along as well. We'll have this week's winner posted Thursday morning, but in the meantime it seems we have actual fans! I know, I can't believe it either. Anyway, Idol and Haiku aficionado Tanya has submitted a haiku for each contestant this week. Even though we here at Skynet do not support the Symbionese Liberation Army (at least not anymore), I've decided to include them as part of this week's update. Note, she seems to like a lot of the contestants, so as they say on the DVD, the views expressed in these haiku do not necessarily represent the views of Skynet: California.

Shania Twain night? Don't the judges always say you need to be current and relevant? This woman hasn't released a CD since 2002. Whatever.

Lee Dewyze - Joey Generic sings an appropriately generic sugary country/pop staple, You're Still the One. Don't worry Lee, you're still the one I feel came off the American Idol non-threatening assembly line. Kara is obsessed with seeing this guy smile. Who cares. Kurt Cobain never smiled and he turned out ok. Oh...

I love me my Lee
said to be behind Crystal
great on the guitar

Michael Lynche - They should forbid contestants from sitting on the stairs. Its cheesy. OK, as you well know by now I've had it with Big Mike, but this is pretty ridiculous even for him. Other people I've had it with? Kara. STFU already.

It's Mike on the mic
kinda reminds me of rueben
soulful teddy bear

Casey James - Is it just me or does Shania sound really weird? You know when you're sick and you need to clear your throat, but you can't? Get this girl some Ricola. I don't know this song. Its hard to pick something obscure when you're picking from a three CD catalog, but here we are. He's really not a bad singer, but he needs better material to pick from.

Casey on guitar
he is Idol's McDreamy
and all the girls swoon

Crystal Bowersux - The judges really want her to win. They wanted Adam Lambert to win last year too, but that didn't happen. There will be a backlash against her awful singing and dirty hippie persona. Ma and Pa Kettle in Fargo are seething with rage right now. They're so angry they're getting ready to join a Tea Party to vent their non-specific rage. Randy and Ellen clearly hated this performance, but can't bring themselves to say it. At least Simon can say it sucked.

Crystal in the dreds
they say you're the frontrunner
hey, you have my vote

Aaron Kelly - I kind of agree with Tanya on this one. Aaron does give off a David Archuletta vibe, but in that one day the police will find some teenage boys tied up in his basement kind of way. I'm guessing that isn't how she meant it.

Big-voiced Aaron's great
and he's only seventeen
like Archuletta

Siobhan Magnus - Oh man, she looks extra crazy tonight. Its your typical idiotic country song, but she's giving it the old college try. Much better than the last couple snoozers she's dropped. She's still got Skynet's backing.

Oh Siobhan, Siobhan
a chameleon, you are
Kara doesn't get you

Thanks to Tanya for her submissions this week. Head back Thursday for the winner of this week's Haiku competition!

American Idol Haiku Project - Week 3 Winner

The votes are in and with a total of 40 first place points, Shane emerges victoriously lamenting the pathetic lack of musical knowledge among this year's contestants. Job well done. You may be wondering what happened to week two. We don't really speak about that anymore. Please don't ask again.

One young contestant

Did not know who fronts the Stones

Mick Jagger, of course!

American Idol Haiku Project - Week 1 Winner

The votes are in, and with a total of 30 first place points, the winner is Riley with his scathing anti-David Cook haiku. . Congrats. Have a cookie. Seriously though, well done Riley and keep those submissions rolling in!

David Cook can’t sing.

He murdered “Jumpin’ Jack Flash”.

This man kills good songs.

The American Idol Haiku Project

I'm pleased to be able to announce Skynet: California's latest endeavor, The American Idol Haiku Project.

The concept is simple. Skynet readers like our haiku and our Idol coverage, but our writers are all exceptionally lazy. Why not outsource some of the writing?

Each week, the students in Finski's English class at Servite High School in Anaheim will submit haiku they've written about American Idol. The Skynet staff will then select the best submission each week to publish on the blog (since Finski knows who the writers are, he will recuse himself). The lucky writers will be filled with a sense of pride and accomplishment and will have an extra line to pad their resume with when searching for that first soul crushing job after college.

It's American Idol, it's haiku, it's outsourcing child labor - it's full of win!

Hirohito's Ghost Responds to My Haiku

The understated brilliance of "Bicycle Haiku" has been praised by critics and laymen alike throughout the globe...except Japan. Apparently my haiku is an affront to their culture. Who knew! American cars are burning in the streets of Yokohama, school girls are jumping in front of subway cars in protest, and now Emperor Hirohito himself has risen from the grave to respond to my haiku with a haiku of his own. Think of it as a rap battle, but between a blogger and a dead Japanese emperor instead of Dre and Easy E. I now hand the floor over to the goryō...

This is not haiku
You have caused us to lose face
Now stop this nonsense

Well. That was harsh. This isn't over Hirohito! I shall respond in kind before the next full moon.

Bicycle Haiku

Thank you bicycle
Only you can keep me sane
Riding down the hill

A Health Care Reform Haiku

Government health care
Too bad it will not happen
It won't give you AIDS

A Radio Tower Haiku

Radio tower
A beacon to travelers
It won't give you AIDS