Governor X's Top Albums of 2010 - Revised

2009 was a great year for music. In fact, it was so great I was able to put together a Top 15. No such luck this year. Even getting to 10 was a struggle, which you will see shortly. I blame the sorry state of radio. I can't bear to listen to it anymore, so I am exposed to very little in the way of new music. I'm essentially relegated to new releases from bands I already like.

Revision - When I initially wrote this, I had not heard Arcade Fire's The Suburbs. Neon Bible was OK, but it was essentially one long Pulp ripoff so I didn't bother to listen to the new one. Grammy glory changed my mind and I'm glad I did. Sorry Tron: Legacy Soundtrack...you've been chopped.

Biggest Disappointment: Black Eyed Peas - The Beginning
Fuck you Peas. I spend the better part of two years defending The E.N.D. and you repay me with this turd?


10. Serj Tankian - Imperfect Harmonies
I didn't even know this existed until I was scouring the 2010 album releases to refresh my memory. If you liked the first Serj Tankian solo CD, this is essentially more of the same.
Download Disowned Inc.

9. Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
See my comments above
Download Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)

8. K's Choice - Echo Mountain
This can't really hold a candle to their work in their first go-around as a band, but it's solid and it's great to have them back together. Now tour the US bitches.
Download Come Live the Life

7. Bruno Mars - Doo Wops and Hooligans
I enjoy this now, but I can't see listening to it for years to come. Live in the moment or something.
Download Grenade

6. Jimmy Eat World - Invented
If you wanted something new from them this would probably disappoint you. They've settled into an almost Cake-like groove of releasing the same album over and over. Fortunately it's a pretty good album.
Download My Best Theory

5. Kylie Minogue - Aphrodite
Easily her best album ever and the best dance-pop album by anyone since before Madonna starting lifting weights.
Download Aphrodite

4. Brandon Flowers - Flamingo
Half of this CD is meh, but the other half is really fantastic. I could listen to Crossfire on an endless loop for 3 weeks and not get tired of it.
Download Crossfire

3. Linkin Park - A Thousand Suns
Linkin Park keeps getting better with every album they release. This effort may be a little pretentious for some, but it probably weeded out the last of the Rockstar drinking meathead fanboys who followed their early work.
Download The Catalyst

2. Stone Temple Pilots - Stone Temple Pilots
Try as I might, I can't find fault with this album. By all accounts Scott Weiland should be dead, the band hasn't released anything in nine years, and rock music is in decline - yet here it is. I love every track.
Download First Kiss on Mars

1. My Chemical Romance - Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys
I don't hesitate to say My Chemical Romance has moved up to join the likes of R.E.M. and U2 on the list of my favorite bands. If you lose the interludes, their latest CD builds masterfully from catchy pop to hard punk.
Download Bulletproof Heart

American Idol Finale Results

Tonight we get to discover what annoying new voice will start either being blared at Jr. High dances across the nation or fade into relative obscurity with most of the past winners.

I missed the first ten minutes due to the need to clean sushi rice out from behind my finger nails. Don't ask; things can get wild around here sometimes.

Kris Allen is performing. The first several seconds of the performance were blared over by Seacrest's open mic, along with a stupid, "Is it open?" God, I hope the rest of the show is that clusterfucked. It would make this more bearable.

We are having a montage about Simon. Nobody is going to watch this show once he leaves.

Siobhan and Aaron Kelly are singing a duet. They are singing "How Deep is Your Love" by and with the BeeGees. Siobhan sounds awesome and should have won this season. Funny enough, the song stopped sounding good once the BeeGees themselves started singing along. I guess some things don't improve with age. I forgot how much I like this song. There are videos somewhere of me dancing to it in a diaper with one shoe on. Fortunately, these videos are not recent.

Now Big Mike is singing "Taking it to the Streets" with Michael McDonald. It's mercifully short, but Governor X says it's like passing a kidney stone. My dad passed a kidney stone once. He wept.

Some dipshit that probably works for the Renaissance Faire during the summer is singing a song about all the insults Simon has hurled over the years. He needs tights.

All the lady contestants of this season are singing Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful." If this show doesn't stop spitting on songs I like, I'm going to write a firmly worded letter to someone. Now they are singing Aguilera's "Fighter." It's like they hacked my Ipod for song inspiration. Now Christina is onstage. Fap, or whatever the female equivalent is.

Next are all the idol blokes singing together with Hall and Oates. I really have nothing to say about this other than that grown men should not dance in formation. Nobody should, really.

Crystal is singing with Alanis Morissette. They changed some of the lyrics to be family friendly. I really don't approve of that, but I like Alanis so this is decent.

Carrie Underwood is onstage now. I wonder what song encouraging the destruction of private property she will belt out tonight.

Lee and Crystal helped create custom designs for the Ford Fiesta. Ford just gave them cars of their own sporting said designs. I guess they must have a great deal of faith in these kids' abilities to succeed, since they think they will actually need some cheapass cars.

Casey is singing "Every Rose Has its Thorn" with Bret Michaels. I wonder if Aguilera is the only current artist they plan on having tonight.

Lee is singing with Chicago. I had a crummy cassette of Chicago I used to play in my car when I was 16. I'm ashamed of myself.

There was just some montage of Simon fondling his own breasts and waking up next to Randy. I thought it was really stupid until I saw it was followed by a performance of "Pants on the Ground." I don't even know what's going on anymore.

Paula Abdul is now onstage in what looks like a dress made out of cotton candy to give a farewell speech to Simon. She's not funny, but she's trying. I'm just grateful she didn't sing.

The past idol winners have come together for a group song. Their backup chorus is made up of all the top ten contestants of yesteryear they could dig up. This is so fucking awful I may have to go destroy something beautiful to feel normal again.

The top ten are singing with Janet Jackson in what I can only assume and hope is the closing act before the results are revealed. Janet looks nice, though her hair is a bit short and shiny for my tastes. It looks like she used shoe polish on it. If you close your eyes, she sounds like her brother singing. Creepy.

Lee and Crystal are singing "With a Little Help From My Friends" with Joe Cocker. What would we do if you sang out of tune? Obviously we would vote you both to the top two, sillies!

Lee DeWyze is the next American Idol. Crystal looks really surprised. I don't think she or Lee expected him to win. Lee is now closing the show out by diddling "Beautiful Day" in the ass again. Fuck this show.

A-Wooooooo!!

American Idol Season Finale

Finally, the ponderous slog through this awful season is drawing to a close. We are down to Lee and Crystal, boring vs. boar, in what is sure to be a completely anticlimactic battle. There are to be three rounds this time, the first one a rehash of a previous performance, the second a random choice, and the third is what single the winner will release.

Lee starts off the night by singing "The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel again. It is absolutely tedious, and this is coming from a woman who adores the song. He looks stoned and clueless, like he doesn't know where the hell he is when he's singing.

Crystal answers Lee's outdated song with one of her own, "Me and Bobby McGee." This is another song I like, and while she isn't perfect, she avoids screaming and looks alert. Her dreadful grill is still distracting me. I wonder if her breath smells like rotting meat?

Round two: Fight! Lee is performing R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts." This is horrendous. Everybody listening to this horseshit certainly hurts. We here at Skynet have a great love for R.E.M. Lee's whining, monotone voice is destroying something wholesome and pure. I don't think this guy has any testicles.

Crystal has decided to go with something we only hear 500 times every Idol audition: "Black Velvet." Really? I guess it might sound pretty darn good, but I just cannot get past this horrible song choice. Also, Crystal is wearing what looks like a hefty bag. Hot.

The third round is nigh. Lee is doing a cover of U2's "Beautiful Day." If you are remotely familiar with Skynet and its writers, you understand that Lee may now be in terrible danger for daring to publicly molest a U2 song in this manner. He sounds terrible; he can't stay on key and his voice is nasally.

For the final performance of the night, Crystal has chosen something I have never heard before called "Up to the Mountain." Sorry, Governor X, but this actually sounds pretty damn good. I may be biased because of my new-found seething hatred for Lee and all that he loves, and I certainly wouldn't voluntarily play this tune in my car, but I am calling Bowersox for the win this year.

American Idol Update: Week 12

It's movie soundtrack night on Idol. This has potential, so I am sure they will pick the oldest and most boring songs on Earth. Oh, it looks like there will be duets tonight, too. This should be dreadful.

Lee DeWyze is first with "Kiss from a Rose". I really like this song and his voice sounds okay, but he is rushing through it. This guy needs to practice with a metronome.

I am really tired of Randy saying "pitchy." Weren't you a musician? Use proper terminology, dawg.

Big Mike is next. He's freeing his willy with a terrible Michael Jackson song. This is awful. I hope he goes the hell home. Simon just made a dick joke. Better him than Ellen.

For Randy's sake, we are going to talk about music terminology. When a note is too high, it is called "sharp." When it is too low, it is called "flat."

Crystal and Lee are singing "Falling Slowly" with dueling acoustic strumming. It actually sounded pretty good. They both look stoned.

Let's talk a little bit about clefs. On the piano, the very center C key is called "middle C." The notes immediately above middle C fall on the "treble clef." Those directly below middle C fall on the "bass clef."

Casey is singing Mrs. Robinson from The Graduate. Way to stay current. He's pretty hot; he needs to just sit quietly and look pretty. I like Simon and Garfunkel for the nostalgia. This does NOT need a remake. Is that a ukulele? I'm going to my happy place now.

The volume changes in music are called "dynamics." We use Italian terms such as "piano" (soft) or "forte" (loud) to tell the musicians how loudly to play. When the music gradually gets louder, this is called a "crescendo." When it gets gradually softer, this is called "decrescendo." When it slows down, it is called "retard," which always made us giggle in junior high orchestra.

Crystal is "singing" the song from Caddyshack. Again, way to stay current, people. Governor X can't stand this woman. I normally find her to be pretty decent. Tonight she's becoming tiresome. She screams every song she touches.

Have you ever seen a band playing, and at the end they hold a long note until the director cuts them off with a hand signal? This is called a "fermata."

Oh boy, Casey and Mike are singing "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman." This song is really overdone. They are in tune, for the most part, but this is a snoozefest. Ellen made a bad lesbian joke. Why is she here? She isn't remotely funny. She needs to stick to voicing cartoon fish.

The only thing that sounded remotely good was the boring duet by Crystal and Lee. Everyone interesting has been voted off.

Did you know it was Farty Bulldog Awareness Week?

American Idol Update: Week 11 (Results?)

As I announced last evening, I refused to subject myself to "Harry Connick Jr arranges Frank Sinatra songs night" on Idol. I will however suffer through the results show to see Lady Gaga perform. She will probably come out with a dead peacock on her head or something. We'll have to wait and see.

First...this crap starts at 9? Give me a break. Just put it on at 8 and be done with it. Randy Jackson is dressed like the great pumpkin. This is going to suck.

The top five are doing a Sinatra medley. I feel like I caught the early bird buffet at the Colorado Belle in Laughlin. At least Laughlin would have female impersonators doing a Sinatra medley. Aaron Kelly sounds like a girl, and Big Mike has boobs, but it just isn't the same. Oh man, its going to be great when one of these losers goes home. I hope they cry. I will feed on their disappointment and gain strength.

I don't know that I've heard a Kris Allen song since he won last season. All he seems to do is Ford commercials. Dumb Ford commercials too. Ford is actually bragging that their cars are made for idiots. Hey, this car will automatically hide the body if you accidentally back over the neighbor's cat whilst texting!

Lee is first up. It feels like they've been talking to him since last Tuesday. Holy hell this guy is boring. He used to work at a paint store - I'm guessing fumes have a lot to do with his personality. Oh here we go. He's safe! Shocking!

RA RA AH AH AH, GA GA OOH LA LA is here to sing Alejandro. Yay! She appears to be wearing a mosquito net over her head and lingerie. One of her half naked male dancers just ripped her mosquito net off. She might get malaria you dick! Well, that was swell. She should perform every week.

We're a half hour into the "results" show and we've only been told one of the results. Fail. I already know who went home because I cheat, so its no skin off my back.

Harry Connick Jr is performing. Mute.

Wait...why am I still watching this? I already saw Lady Gaga and I know Aaron went home (oops, spoilers!). Nuts to this. See you next week.

American Idol Update: Week 11

I will endure a lot of things for the sake of this blog, but I will not subject myself to "Harry Connick Jr. arranges Frank Sinatra songs night" on American Idol. Furthermore, Siobhan was booted off last week so there is really no one worth rooting for. For a change of pace this week, we will be chronicling the results show tomorrow evening. Lady Gaga is performing and one of these undeserving assholes is going home. If that isn't good enough for you, we will be announcing the winner of this week's AI haiku contest tomorrow morning.

American Idol Update: Week 10

We're down to six. The end is nigh and so on. This is usually when I start to wonder what I'm going to watch when Idol ends. Fortunately for me the baseball season has started. Unfortunately for me, the Dodgers are embarrassing this year. Oh well. I have a lot of DVDs.

The American Idol Haiku Project is chugging along as well. We'll have this week's winner posted Thursday morning, but in the meantime it seems we have actual fans! I know, I can't believe it either. Anyway, Idol and Haiku aficionado Tanya has submitted a haiku for each contestant this week. Even though we here at Skynet do not support the Symbionese Liberation Army (at least not anymore), I've decided to include them as part of this week's update. Note, she seems to like a lot of the contestants, so as they say on the DVD, the views expressed in these haiku do not necessarily represent the views of Skynet: California.

Shania Twain night? Don't the judges always say you need to be current and relevant? This woman hasn't released a CD since 2002. Whatever.

Lee Dewyze - Joey Generic sings an appropriately generic sugary country/pop staple, You're Still the One. Don't worry Lee, you're still the one I feel came off the American Idol non-threatening assembly line. Kara is obsessed with seeing this guy smile. Who cares. Kurt Cobain never smiled and he turned out ok. Oh...

I love me my Lee
said to be behind Crystal
great on the guitar

Michael Lynche - They should forbid contestants from sitting on the stairs. Its cheesy. OK, as you well know by now I've had it with Big Mike, but this is pretty ridiculous even for him. Other people I've had it with? Kara. STFU already.

It's Mike on the mic
kinda reminds me of rueben
soulful teddy bear

Casey James - Is it just me or does Shania sound really weird? You know when you're sick and you need to clear your throat, but you can't? Get this girl some Ricola. I don't know this song. Its hard to pick something obscure when you're picking from a three CD catalog, but here we are. He's really not a bad singer, but he needs better material to pick from.

Casey on guitar
he is Idol's McDreamy
and all the girls swoon

Crystal Bowersux - The judges really want her to win. They wanted Adam Lambert to win last year too, but that didn't happen. There will be a backlash against her awful singing and dirty hippie persona. Ma and Pa Kettle in Fargo are seething with rage right now. They're so angry they're getting ready to join a Tea Party to vent their non-specific rage. Randy and Ellen clearly hated this performance, but can't bring themselves to say it. At least Simon can say it sucked.

Crystal in the dreds
they say you're the frontrunner
hey, you have my vote

Aaron Kelly - I kind of agree with Tanya on this one. Aaron does give off a David Archuletta vibe, but in that one day the police will find some teenage boys tied up in his basement kind of way. I'm guessing that isn't how she meant it.

Big-voiced Aaron's great
and he's only seventeen
like Archuletta

Siobhan Magnus - Oh man, she looks extra crazy tonight. Its your typical idiotic country song, but she's giving it the old college try. Much better than the last couple snoozers she's dropped. She's still got Skynet's backing.

Oh Siobhan, Siobhan
a chameleon, you are
Kara doesn't get you

Thanks to Tanya for her submissions this week. Head back Thursday for the winner of this week's Haiku competition!

American Idol Update: Week 9

Sup Rasta...its Idol time again. Tuesday, 4/20/2010. The theme writes itself, but does Idol go with it? No, of course not. Instead of hearing the work of Bob Marley, Grateful Dead and other classic bands, its "inspirational song" night? Really? Fail. I'm going to guess I won't be inspired to do anything but change the channel.

One thing I can get behind tonight is Alicia Keys (lulz! sex pun!). She's the mentor, suggesting ways the contestants can been one of the hottest women around or something. She sings OK too.

Casey James - Fleetwood Mac's Don't Stop. Bill Clinton's 1992 campaign theme song. See? This site is educational. Who knows when you may be in a game of Trivial Pursuit with a crazy kidnapper who has given you the option of beating him at the game or losing your life. You draw a card...What was the theme of the 1992 Clinton/Gore campaign? Score! You're alive! I liked Casey's performance, so naturally the judges hated it.

Lee Dewyze - He's singing "The Boxer". No clue what it is, but I'm sure its boring and he'll sing it poorly. We need to see a lot less of this guy and a lot more Alicia Keys. THESE STREETS WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BRAND NEW, BIG LIGHTS WILL INSPIRE YOU! See? It even says "inspire" in the lyrics. Empire State of Mind > this garbage Lee is singing.

Tim Urban - I don't know what this song is either. I'm inspired to go to the other room and get a snack. Sashimi. Yes, sashimi for a snack.

Aaron Kelly - LOL at this kid. Who is voting for him? Simon said if he heard this performance in the car, he would have turned it off within ten seconds - but then said Aaron made it quite good. What?

Siobhan Magnus - Oh man, you're killing me! I'm starting to fear she's peaked. I don't know if the season can survive that. Hopefully she comes back with something that isn't coma inducing next week. Kara wants to hang out with her, but doesn't know who she is! At least Paula was high as a kite when nonsense like that spilled out of her mouth.

Michael Lynche - I'm really tired of this guy. Its a damn shame they wasted their save on him a few weeks ago. He's comically awful tonight.

Crystal Bowersox - Speaking of tiresome contestants, Treasure Trail annoys me more and more every week. She's crying? Wow. I mean, it sucked and everything, but its nothing to cry over.

American Idol Update Week 8

Its Elvis week and Adam Lambert is the mentor. That's an awful lot of pelvic thrusting for Ma and Pa Kettle in flyover country. I hope they can handle it. I really can't deal with anymore fake outrage from these hayseeds.

Also, my art class has run out of steam. Its too much work, and above all else, I'm lazy, so you're just going to have to take a real art class if you want to better yourself. You certainly won't better yourself by reading Idol recaps. I'm sure I'll have another half baked idea that will go unfinished before the season is over.

Crystal Bowersux - Haha. Get it? Bowersux! Because I don't care for her. Don't care for the song either. I'm sure you're shocked to hear that. Did you know Elvis was high as a kite in this picture with Nixon? If Nixon got high once in awhile he would have been a lot more mellow.

Andrew Garcia - Looks like they're getting the worst contestants out of the way early. I can respect that. Whether or not I can survive it is another story. Quit using your son as a crutch. No one cares that you're a father. Haha! Lambert just told him he's boring. That made my night. Randy just said it was awful karaoke too. Because the judges used their save last week, this dude is toast. Go back to Moreno Valley you bum!

Tim Urban - I go months at a time without a haircut, so I'm hardly one to talk, but this dude really needs to visit a Great Clips. He'll look like they ran a lawnmower over his head afterwards, but so be it. This was easily his least awful performance on the show. Vote for the Worst is going to need a new candidate.

Lee Dewyze - I'd love to hear a little less of A Little Less Conversation. This guy is so bland. I think he came off the same assembly line that produced David Cook and Chris Daughtry. Remember GM cars in the 80's? GM would make one model car and put a Chevy, Pontiac, Buick, Cadillac, and Oldsmobile logos on it so they could offer "five" models. That's what's going on here. Boring, just like the Chevy Celebrity.

Aaron Kelly - Blue Suede Shoes. Puke. Shouldn't this kid be in school?

Siobhan Magnus - Uh oh, she sounds borderline sane in the interview tonight. I hope she still sounds good. The crazy is part of her appeal. Siobhan and Lambert...what a pair. She's doing Suspicious Minds. Yay, one of the few Elvis songs I like. This started out good, but this lounge act ending is hideous. What are you doing to me girl? Its OK. We're still tight.

Michael Lynche - The judges wasted their save on this guy last week. You've seen all you're going to out of him. Time to break it off. What the hell is Kara wearing?

Katie Stevens - This girl really isn't very good. She also looks a lot older than 17. I don't know this song either. Its pretty cheesy though.

Casey James - I really hope this is the last performance. I can't deal with anymore Elvis tonight. This theme needs to die on the commode prior to next season.

Whew. Its over. Lambert will be performing tomorrow on the results show, so put the kiddies to bed early and break out the bondage gear. Stay tuned for Glee? No u.

Hot Danish curlers heart Skynet: California's American Idol Update.

American Idol Update: Week 7 (also Intro to Modern Art 205)

No art class tonight. Professor Governor X is tired. I blame you, dear readers. Let's just do Idol.

Its Lennon and McCartney night. We may actually have some good stuff come out of this (who am I kidding?), or at the very least, some entertaining fail. What's wrong with Paul McCartney? He seems like he's intoxicated. Furthermore, whatever happened to that peg-legged wife of his?

Aaron Kelly - The other contestants have nicknamed him Yoda. I'd name him asshat. Asshat is singing The Long and Winding Road. Lennon and McCartney wrote hundreds of great songs and you picked probably the most boring of them all. Snooze.

Katie Stevens - Let it Be. I wish she had let this song be. Its one of my favorite Beatles songs and she's not doing it justice. Frankly, this is ghastly and I can't wait for it to end. The judges liked it. I'm guessing they were listening to the original on their iPods.

Andrew Garcia - I was just reminded that this was the name of a douchebag I used to work with who is truly one of the most objectionable people I've ever met. He's from New Jersey, carries around that weird ex-military chip on his shoulder, and suffers from a severe case of short man syndrome. Idol's Andrew Garcia probably isn't a bad person like the other one, but he certainly sucks as a musician. Someone bang the gong already and thet this man off the stage!

Michael Lynche - Barry White Wannabe is tackling Eleanor Rigby. Draw the windows and get out the cutting razor, its depression time gang! Um dude, this doesn't really work as a peppy R&B track. What a disaster. Remember what I said about catching some epic fail tonight? Well here you go.

Sudden thought...if no one sings I Am the Walrus tonight, I'm going to start a riot.

Another thought...Meg Whitman, get off my TV. You're a cow. Running California isn't anything like running a "business" where you can sell Crazy Aunt Rita's ceramic cat collection after she asphyxiates in the garage. You suck. Go away. Ask Governor Al Checchi and Senator Michael Huffington how buying political seats in this state works out.

Crystal Bowersox - Blue Napkins calls her Treasure Troll. I'm going with Treasure Trail. The didgeridoo isn't necessary Treasure Trail. Your smelly hippie street cred is safe. Fact: I own a really sweet didge with a turtle carved on it. Why? My smelly hippie street cred needed some bolstering.

Tim Urban - Even with Vote for the Worst backing this guy can't survive much longer can he? Can he????? The judges praised him, so he's probably doomed. Vote for the Worst will probably have to move on to Katie Stevens next.

Casey James - Pretty boy is disqualified. Jealous Guy isn't a particularly interesting song and this performance is sleepy, but more importantly its a Lennon song and this is Lennon and McCartney night. Sorry dude, you're out. Go give Kara the lovin' she so desperately needs.

Siobhan Magnus - Across the Universe. Pipe down and bask in the awesomeness you jackholes. Truthfully I was hoping she would be the one to do I Am the Walrus. No such luck.

Lee Dewyze - Two words into Hey Jude and I want to punch him. Turrrible.

No one did I Am the Walrus, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to start a riot. Clear a path!

I learned how to riot in France.

American Idol Update: Week 6 (also Intro to Modern Art 205)

Frida Kahlo...you dirty girl. Painting yourself nude for your philandering husband. Pallin' around with Trotsky. Portrayed seductively by Salma Hayak in Julie Taymor's tedious 2002 biopic Frida. Suffering with brutal pain but persevering to create some of the most beautiful works of Latin American art. Well done.

Top 10 for Idol. As you know, we're all Siobhan all the time. Team Siobhan? Oh yes. Its soul night. Fail in advance.

Tonight's featured work has a name long enough to be a Fall Out Boy song. Fortunately for you, unlike Fall Out Boy, this doesn't suck though. I proudly present to you The Love Embrace of the Universe, the Earth (Mexico), Diego, Me, and Senor Xolotl (1949).

Siobhan Magnus - Sweet. My girl is kicking things off tonight so when I quit paying attention later it won't matter. She's singing Chaka Khan. I have no idea what this song is, but I don't like it. This night is going to blow. The judges were not impressed.

Casey James - White boy soul makes me want to stick my head in the oven. I don't know how long I can keep this up.

Michael Lynche - If there is any category this Barry White wannabe should nail, its this one. No such luck. This is brutal. I give this until 9ish.

Didi Benami - That's it. I'm done. I'll give you one last tidbit about Kahlo before I call it a night though...

After researching this Kahlo/Trotsky thing a bit more for you and I'm pleased to report they had a brief affair. More importantly, Kahlo and her husband were devoted communists who helped Trotsky get set up in Mexico after Stalin ran him out of town. In 1937 she completed a work titled Self Portrait Dedicated to Leon Trotsky.

Four Inhabitants of Mexico (1938)

American Idol Update: Week 4

They're down to the top 12, and unbeknownst to me, they're also down to one night a week. This means when I missed Idol for poker night yesterday, I wasn't just missing half the crew, but all of it. It was a refreshing break though, and thanks to the internets, I was able to pick and choose which performances I wanted to see from yesterday.

If you've been following the American Idol Update, you will probably have picked up on the fact that I want to make sweet love to crazy Siobhan down by the fire. Conveniently she's also the only one that stands out as particularly talented, so she's the only one I opted to watch. She really came through, delivering awesomeness off the charts with her interpretation of the Rolling Stones' Paint it Black, which just happens to be my favorite Stones song. Since I cheat and look for the results online after the show is broadcast back East, I can tell you she is quite safe and will return for next week.

No art lecture tonight - just enjoy this painting of an avocado.

American Idol Update Week 3: Part 1 (also Introduction to Modern Art 205)

If its Tuesday, its time for Introduction to Modern Art 205 with Professor Governor X! Its also time for a crummy karaoke contest. The art is far more interesting. I don't know if its the guys or girls leading off this week and frankly I don't care. We lost four more last week, and only one was even a marginal loss. Good riddance to Haeley Vaughn in particular.

Today's feature piece is Belgian surrealist Rene Magritte's creepy ass Les Amants, oil on canvas 1928. I'm not yet practiced enough in lecturing about art to tell you what this is supposed to represent, but I find it both eerie and oddly beautiful.

Looks like the ladies are kicking things off this week. Yay?

Katie Stevens - Sweet...no more mind numbing introductions about how they like to color or molest the family pet before the show. I think I will go with the no comments but good comments theme again. In other words, no comment on her version of Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway.

Siobhan Magnus - The only contestant I truly like is on early this week with House of the Rising Sun. Honestly, if I wasn't writing this update, I'd just turn Idol off now since it will be all downhill from here.

Lacey Brown - That was off key and weird, but I kind of liked it. I'm shocked.

Katelyn Epperly - The Magritte Museum opened in Brussels in 2009. Sadly, this was two years after I visited Brussels. I'd rather not go back to that city. The streets aren't marked and the Belgians are assholes.

Didi Benami - Something else about Brussels...no one knows where anything is. I stayed in a hotel not far from the European Parliament (official Skynet business), and no one had any clue where the parliament building was. Its only one of the most important political entities in the world, who cares where its housed? Pass the moule frites mon ami!

Paige Miles - Did you know? Magritte's L'Empire des Lumières (pictured here - oil on canvas, 1953-1954) inspired the poster for The Exorcist.

Crystal Bowersox - Ceci n'est pas une pipe.

Lily Scott - Awesome, the 2-hour Idol death marches have ended! We're down to a tight hour tonight. That's the best news I've heard since Kris Allen told me his CD's stay in his boring ass Ford forever. Actually, I'll be so bold as to say this is better news than that. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not interested in whether or not Kris Allen fumbles around with CD's in his car.

Idol is over. Vote for Siobhan. I hope you learned something about Rene Magritte tonight even though I didn't give you much information. Hopefully his art will grab your interest and you'll do some research on your own. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

American Idol Update: Hollywood Week

The auditions are over and American Idol 2010 is ready to begin...except its not. Its Hollywood Week, where they cull the herd even further before the competition actually starts. Additionally, they debuted Ellen as a judge. She's tolerable when she isn't attempting her "comedy" but I have a feeling as this crummy crop of contestants begin to make the show drag, she'll be forced to try out more and more schtick to help salvage the show.

The contestants so far do not look promising. The only particularly good performance tonight was a fat guy playing Paula Abdul's Straight Up on acoustic guitar. The notion was cringe worthy, but it was pretty good. Most of the show was just contestant after contestant trying way too hard to win the weekly karaoke contest down at B. J. O'Taints.

I can already tell who this year's Gokey is going to be. For those of you who aren't familiar with the reference, Gokey was the turd sandwich that inexplicably garnered nothing but praise from the judges last year. There's one every year. This time, its going to be this 16 year old girl who sings dreadful modern country in the wrong key. I think her name was Haley. She's turrrrible.

Skynet out!

Just to make you feel old

Axl Rose is 48 today.

American Idol 2010...Oh Yes, Its Back

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, American Idol is back and Ellen Degeneres still sucks.

First, lets get the business out of the way. As you have no doubt heard, Simon Cowell is leaving the show after this year. So, no Paula, no Simon - is it still Idol? Probably not.

They kick off as they always do, with auditions. The auditions are the worst part of the show and to get things rolling, they have crazy muffin-top girl jumping around and killing Natasha Bedingfield. Hasn't this gotten old by now? Just cut to the people with some talent.

Tonight's guest judge is Victoria Beckham. I guess they're waiting until later to unveil the suck of Ellen. David's wife is more and more bizarre looking every time I see here. Tonight she appears to be made of wax. This is known as "The Schwarzenegger".

Back to Ellen for a minute. I still don't understand what she brings to the table. She's not funny and knows nothing about music. Since they were going for someone outside of the music industry, they should have picked Sir Charles Barkley. Hearing him rip into contestants would be pure entertainment.

These auditions are just terrible. I'm about 40 minutes in right now and I don't think I can stomach much more. Its probably time for video games...

Governor X's Top Albums of 2009

In my past life as a contributor to another blog, we all looked forward to the end of the year so we could share our top albums and movies of the year. I've decided to keep the tradition going here at Skynet, but given our laissez-faire attitude towards topics and workload, I'm leaving it up to the individual writers to share their lists if they choose. They can have it their way, like Burger King, but with less saturated fat.

I'm starting off by doing the top albums of 2009. It was a good year for music, so I've opted for a top 15. Ten is so confining anyway...

15. Chris Cornell - Scream
Chris Cornell could not have broken from his rock roots more than he did with Scream. Scream is Timbaland produced pop. Yes, really. Surprisingly enough its pretty good. Its something everyone must hear for themselves.

Download - Never Far Away

14. Muse - The Resistance
I liked this a lot more when it came out than I do now. Its creative and big, but after multiple listens I just don't feel it lives up to the praise I gave it earlier this year. Still, there's enough good here to recommend it.

Download - Resistance

13. U2 - No Line on the Horizon
I've warmed to this CD substantially since I declared U2 dead following its release, but its a sub par offering from a band this good. U2 phoning it in is still better than most bands at their best though, so it made the list.

Download - Magnificent

12. Kelly Clarkson - All I Ever Wanted
If you're looking for mindless Top 40 without the attitude of a Beyonce, Kelly Clarkson is always a safe bet. All I Ever Wanted is sugary enough to rot your teeth at times, but its a solid CD full of catchy beats that can get stuck in your head for days.

Download - All I Ever Wanted

11. Julian Casablancas - Phrazes for the Young
I'm never really sure why artists put out a solo project that sounds exactly like their band. Phrazes for the Young sounds like it could be the 4th Strokes album. I love The Strokes, so that's perfectly fine by me. Casablancas did serve up a pretty mean version of that asinine SNL I Wish it Was Christmas Today song on Jimmy Fallon's show last night. I normally wouldn't have Fallon on, but Craig Ferguson had an opera singer as his musical guest. No thanks.

Download - Out of the Blue

10. 30 Seconds to Mars - This is War
Someone needs to tell Jared Leto he doesn't have to try so hard. 30 Seconds to Mars is a good rock band and doesn't need to get passed the fact that they have an actor for a singer. They're already passed that on talent alone. This is War is ridiculously over the top at times, and the 12 year old in me wants to giggle when they scream "WE ARE THE QUEENS" in Kings and Queens, but at the end of it all I find I really like the CD.

Download - Night of the Hunter

9. Stereophonics - Keep Calm and Carry On
This is hardly the best thing the Stereophonics have ever put out, but after multiple listens, its a pretty solid if slightly unimaginative CD. Sometimes its OK to just stick with what works.

Download - I Got Your Number

8. Weezer - Raditude
Every other Weezer album is good and its that time in the cycle. Weezer is just here to play good music and have a good time. Its a pleasant change from some other bands (including many I like) who think they're going to change the world. Be sure to pick up your Weezer Snuggie.

Download - Can't Stop Partying (featuring Lil Wayne)

7. Adam Lambert - For Your Entertainment
Adam Lambert was pretty much a disaster from beginning to end on American Idol, but his first solo album is exceptionally good for a pop CD. His wailing is impressive when he isn't using it to slaughter innocent Johnny Cash tunes. For Your Entertainment is basically the cotton candy of music, its delicious but has no substance or nutritional value. When that's precisely what you're looking for though, it delivers as well as anything.

Download - If I Had You

6. Tokio Hotel - Humanoid
Ich liebe Tokio Hotel and I don't care what you have to say about that. Its oddly liberating to have the musical taste of a German teenager. This is the second year in a row they've made my top ten.

Download - World Behind My Wall

5. AFI - Crash Love
I didn't like this initially, but I honestly can't tell you why. I love it now. Its more Sing the Sorrow than Decemberunderground and they are unrecognizable without ten pounds of makeup, but its one of the better straight up rock albums of 2009.

Download - End Transmission

4. Black Eyed Peas - The E.N.D.
The E.N.D. (Energy Never Dies) is just fun dance pop from beginning to end. There isn't much else to say here.

Download - I Got a Feeling

3. Placebo - Battle for the Sun
I'm pretty livid at these guys for not rescheduling their North American tour yet even as they add more and more European dates, but they're still one of my favorite bands and Battle for the Sun is one of their better albums. Its a good starter CD if you aren't familiar with their work.

Download - For What It's Worth

2. Green Day - 21st Century Breakdown
Fifteen years ago, Green Day was singing about masturbation. Today they're singing about the American state of mind. Who saw that coming? Berkeley's finest captured the angst and anger of a nation disgusted with George W. Bush and his agenda on American Idiot, and have done it again with 21st Century Breakdown which is perfectly in tune with the exhaustion and "what now?" feeling of America in 2009.

Download - Peacemaker

1. The Used - Artwork
I've been a fan of The Used since they hit the scene in 2002, but there was always something lacking on their albums. They were more hit than miss, but never really tied it all together. Artwork is their first complete album and somewhat surprisingly, my favorite album of 2009. Never underestimate the power of raw rock.

Download - Born to Quit

The New Robbie Williams CD is OK

Yes, I'm the American Robbie Williams fan.

I'm not sure why he never caught on here. The guy is a brilliant singer and has had a pretty insane personal life, so you'd think if nothing else he'd show up on TMZ from time to time. No such luck, but oh well. I enjoy his work, and its like I'm in an exclusive club.

He's just released his follow up to Rudebox and like Rudebox, its kind of hit and miss. The CD pretty much alternates between his classic British electro-pop and Vegas-style lounge music like his 2001 clunker Swing When You're Winning.

The CD starts out strong. Morning Sun, Bodies, and the 50's-ish You Know Me are all solid tracks, but then we hit a wall with the dreadfully sleepy Blasphemy. It picks up again for Do You Mind? and Last Days of Disco, but craps out again on Somewhere. Notice the theme? Still, we're looking at roughly 2/3rds of a good CD here, so I'm going to give it an official ranking of "OK".

In spite of this David Lynch-esque rabbit suit video, You Know Me is a fantastic song - enjoy:

American Idol Update: The Adam Lambert Single

The first single off Adam Lambert's debut CD is here, and for the life of me, I can't figure out if I like it or not. You can listen to it on lala.com.

He was so dreadful on American Idol, but that may just be because he was doing bad karaoke. Not every song calls for screaming after all. Is this song good and I'm just instinctively resisting it because of his crimes against humanity on Idol? Possibly. Skynet blogger Blue Napkins described it as "vapid", but that's never stopped me before. Inane pop music is my escape.

I may need to hear more from his new CD before I can rule. The CD cover is hilarious. It looks like Europe (the band, not the continent) had dirty sex with Cyndi Lauper. I'm going to have to get back to you on this one.

Ranking U2

Another U2 post? Yes, another U2 post. Probably the last for awhile though, so rejoice if its not your thing. In the meantime, you can read Blue Napkins' scathing review of Twilight to prepare for the New Moon release. For those of you who are interested in U2, I reexamined their body of work after the concert last week and am prepared to unveil my official rankings. Official until I change my mind anyway. Here is the list in all its awesomeness, complete with download recommendations for each disc.

12. War - This will get me drummed out of the U2 clique by some of the more hardcore fans, but I've never thought much of War. When listening to all of their CD's over again, it was the only one that was a tough slog. New Years Day and Sunday Bloody Sunday are classics, but most of the rest of the album borders on terrible.

11. Boy - How good is U2? I like the album I ranked next to last. Their sound is definitely raw here, but tracks like Out of Control and Stories for Boys give a good indication of what's to come.

10. October - October is one of their most underappreciated albums. It even sold poorly when it came out. Its certainly a little unpolished like Boy, but there are a couple of classic songs on here like October and Gloria.

9. All That You Can't Leave Behind - U2 released this after a lot of people hated Pop and it is pretty boring. I struggled to put it ahead of October or Boy, and in a future ranking it may fall further. Beautiful Day, Walk On, and In a Little While keep it semi respectable.

8. No Line on the Horizon - I ripped this disc apart when it came out, and there is still about half of it that I don't care for. Over time though I've grown to really like the other half. No Line on the Horizon, Magnificent, Fez-Being Born, and even the idiotic Get on Your Boots have unexpectedly found a nice warm place in my heart.

7. The Unforgettable Fire - This used to be higher, but a lot of it just sounds dated now. There's still plenty of quality music here to keep it in the middle of the pack. MLK, The Unforgettable Fire, and Bad are classic examples of 80's U2.

6. Pop - I will never understand why so many people hated Pop. If you pay attention to Achtung Baby and Zooropa, this affair with dance music was pretty much inevitable. Plus, the tour had a giant lemon. Who can hate that? Discotheque, Do You Feel Loved?, and Please are the best songs on the CD, but the best song from the Pop era is the Discotheque B-side of Holy Joe.

5. How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb - This disc and its ridiculous title are the finest example of where the band is in their third decade. It alternates between preachy and inane, but from beginning to end its a solid collection of songs. Vertigo, Sometimes You Can't Make It on Your Own, City of Blinding Lights, and Original of the Species all need to make it on your iPod.

4. Rattle & Hum - This is a song Charles Manson stole from the Beatles...we're stealin it back! At the time of its release, some thought this album coupled with the movie were a little self indulgent. That may very well be true, but its also a collection of brilliant and beautifully written music. Van Diemen's Land (Edge on lead vocals!), Love Rescue Me, Heartland, and All I Want is You with its midget love story video are among my favorite U2 songs.

3. The Joshua Tree - The Joshua Tree first put U2 on the map for a lot of people and is widely considered one of the greatest rock albums of all time. The Irish homage to America's wide open spaces still holds up after 22 years. If you own one of the 25 million copies of this album that have been sold, you're already familiar with Where the Streets Have No Name, With or Without You, In God's Country, and Exit.

2. Zooropa - Zooropa often falls through the cracks, but its basically Achtung Baby Part II. It was written and recorded while the band was on their epic Zoo TV world tour. They were the biggest band in the world at the time and the CD just oozes the fact that they knew it. They were free to experiment and we got gems like Numb, Zooropa, and Lemon on the same disc as classic U2 style songs like Stay (Faraway so Close).

1. Achtung Baby - Music achieved perfection in 1991 when Achtung Baby hit the shelves. I have my doubts any CD will be this awesome again. U2 completely reinvented themselves musically while retaining the essence of what had made the band so popular in the 1980's. Words can't really express how great this album is from beginning to end, so I'll stop trying. I love the entire disc, but The Fly, Ultra Violet, Mysterious Ways, and One need to be on any respectable U2 playlist.

The best album of all time.