The Southern Grocery Store

A grocery store in the South is basically the same as the ones we have out west, but they have some interesting items in them. Here are a couple of the more interesting items I've stumbled across:

"Ham Bits" & other unrefrigerated pork parts - Both the Piggly Wiggly and Super Walmart have a rack near the meat section filled with strange pork parts. "Ham Bits" and "Pork Ends" sit out in vacuum packing at room temperature, daring the Steve-O's of the world to eat them. I've been told the ham bits are used for flavoring, and may have come across some in a dish of green beans the other night. Think flavorless bacon.

Chitterlings - Pig intestines. Enough said.

Pork Rinds - Of course, these aren't unique to the South, but they are a lot more prominent here. I'd never actually had one before so I picked up a 50 cent bag to give it a try. The best description I can give is salty packing foam. I won't be trying these again.

Livers & Gizzards - Back home, this stuff goes in the trash or in thrown in a pot for the dogs if Grandma feels particularly ambitious while cooking thanksgiving dinner. You can not only buy them in the store here, but you can actually walk into a diner and order up a plate of them. I wasn't 100% sure what a gizzard was, so I went to Wikipedia. Sounds tame enough...an organ used to aid in digestion. Then I saw this picture. Puke.

Smoked Turkey Necks - Not just a sack of smoked turkey necks, but a family size sack of smoked turkey necks. I don't think the necks even make it into the dog's thanksgiving stew. How do they eat these things? I imagine some cow of a woman gnawing on a turkey neck while her 8 filthy kids run around the house raising hell.

Fat Kelly sez "Turkey necks go good with a tub of sour cream!"

Skynet: Carolina?

If you are over the age of five, you could probably figure out that Skynet: California is a California based blog. Temporarily though, I will be hailing from the Outer Banks of North Carolina. An extended period of time in the South is going to prove to be an interesting time, so when things pop up worth reporting, I'll bring them to you. Right now, I've been here about two days and I've already noticed a lot of weird stuff going on.

Locked double doors - When a business has double doors at an entrance, the left one is almost always locked. The lone exception so far has been my hotel. This isn't really a problem when you're entering the business, but when you're leaving you'll try to push open the locked door.

Food - The food is a little odd. At the Walmart, I happened upon a family size package of smoked turkey necks. WTF? Back at home, Grandma gives those to the dogs on Thanksgiving. There also seems to be a tendency to fry everything. My dinner last night consisted off fried clams, fried fish, hushpuppies (fried), and french fries. Instead of Carl's, they have Hardee's. Same happy star, different food. Hardee's is like Carl's slow witted, heavy set brother. They have a western bacon cheeseburger like Carl's, but here it only comes in the 1/3rd pound variety. Also on the menu? A pork chop & gravy on a biscuit.

Culture - Out here on the coast, there isn't much of a Sling Blade factor, but it does pop up here and there. Mostly though, the people are just friendly. Like freakishly so. Coming from California, the land of rude assholes, I'm always shocked when people elsewhere are polite. On the plane coming back here, everyone was so friendly and talkative I assumed they were drunk.

Its not all smiles and "how ya doin'" though. There are some disturbing trends. Stores have piles and piles of Mountain Dew. "No shirt, no shoes, no service" is actually a relevant sign here. Restaurants ask if you want smoking or non. There was an add for lawnmower races.

Perhaps most disturbing of all though is the beach. The concept of shame hasn't made its way down here yet. There are rolls hanging out everywhere and no one cares. I suppose this is probably for the best, but it takes a bit of adjustment. The "who cares" attitude did allow me to remove my shirt at the beach and expose my scrawny yet pasty white torso to the sun. I now have a red torso...

Overall, so far so good. Its green and the weather isn't too oppressively hot yet. The hurricanes won't start lashing the shore for another couple months either. Keep reading for more updates.