God, Give Me the WilPower

It was 1991; I was 13 years old, and I dreamed of exploring space, particularly exploring space holding the hand of dreamy, teen-heartthrob, Wil Wheaton. I took a break from writing bad poetry, listening to New Kids on the Block and fantasizing about the way futuristic spandex clung to sinewy, teenage glutes to write a letter to my favorite Star Trek character. Unfortunately, I can only vaguely imagine what said letter contained, as it was jettisoned into Wil's eagerly waiting mailbox twenty years ago.

Fast forward to last weekend: I was thumbing through one of my many Enterprise manuals for the sake of nostalgia with some friends when this amazing little envelope fell out into my lap.

Oh, man! The beloved response I had received from my darling Wesley, tucked away in a Star Trek book and forgotten for decades. Having long since grown up and moved on to more mature pastimes, such as fantasizing about Patrick Stewart, I was bemused and slightly embarrassed at this evidence of my teenage dorkliness. The room was alive with excitement as we pried the relic open to peer at the contents within.

First of all, there was this EPIC picture, complete with what is likely a photocopied signature on the back.

Though I fully appreciate the era-appropriate reference to Bill and Ted, I have to wonder whether the kid was getting paid to pimp Batman or if he was really just that big of a nerd. Given recent evidence on the interwebs, I'm leaning pro-nerd.

The real gem of the collection, however, was this terrible, grainy photocopy of an invitation to join the Wil Wheaton fanclub, boasting almost 1500 members world-wide!!

Now, the membership fee is $12.50 to join and $5 for each following year. I don't see a time limit on this document, so I wonder... if I fire this baby off to Wil's current address with my check for $12.50, what will I get in return? Will he send me whatever has laying around on his desk? Ignore me? Have a good laugh and just cash the check like a bastard, maybe apply it to his terrible sweater fund?

What's a smartass girl to do?