A Radio Tower Haiku

Radio tower
A beacon to travelers
It won't give you AIDS

Jeff Goldblum is Quite Alive

So there were some nasty rumors going around this afternoon that beloved actor and perennial Academy Award snub Jeff Goldblum had died in New Zealand. I am happy to report he is still alive.

Of course, for someone as epic as Jeff Goldblum, falling 60 feet to his death on a movie set would be one hell of a way to go.

By the way, I can also confirm Jeff still hates beige and doesn't have email.

Facebook Fan Pages are Getting Out of Hand

I just became a fan of "Telling Fox News its Full of Crap".

My suggestions page suggests I become a fan of being barefoot, flipping the pillow over to the cool side and Fridays.

You can even become a fan of becoming a fan.

What the hell is going on here? Am I really a fan of Telling Fox News its Full of Crap? I guess so. The concept, not the page anyway. But am I really a fan of it or do I just share the sentiment? Does it make a difference? WWJD?

I'm barefoot right now, but I'm not going to become a fan of it. It just seems unnecesary. Ditto on the pillow. Honestly, I'd rather the pillow just stay cool on both sides anyway. Can I become a fan of theoretical pillows that don't warm up? If I can't yet, I may create the page.

You can become a fan of "I Hate Liars!" too. Seriously now. You're not a fan of anything in this scenario. I mean it says right there you hate them. You aren't a fan of them at all. Am I the only one who gives a shit about the rules here?

Be sure to become a fan of this article on Facebook.

New Placebo

A few years ago I went to Britain and came back a huge fan of two bands I heard for the first time over there. One was Muse, who have gained some notoriety here in the US, and the other is Placebo who remain relatively unknown. American rock fans don't know what they're missing.

If you aren't familiar with Placebo, think Adam Lambert, but with actual talent and less screaming. Placebo turns out modern day glam rock and does it with a staggering amount of skill and ease.

This week they released their sixth album Battle for the Sun and its the best CD of the year so far.

The 13 tracks are solid all around. Harder and more electronic than their previous effort Meds, sounding a bit more like something from Black Market Music. If that last sentence made no sense to you because you've never given Placebo a go before, this disc would be a good place to start.

New Black Eyed Peas

The Black Eyed Peas have released a new CD, and finally they've given up any pretense of being a serious rap group.

Thank god.

The E.N.D. is essentially a europop dance CD full of catchy lyrics and catchier beats. In other words, its the Peas at their best. Their previous two CDs have been hit and miss, and almost without fail, they've missed big time when they've tried to be serious. The Peas have finally realized the hits come with nonsensical schlock like My Humps, Shut Up, and Let's Get it Started (actually called Let's Get Retarded, but don't get me started on radio friendly censorship...).

The Worst Morning Show Ever

Fox News Channel sucks. We're all well aware of this, but one show in particular drags the channel even lower than you thought was possible. The tricky part is, its on too f-ing early in most of the country to be on your radar. During breakfast service, my hotel's dining room TV is tuned to Fox & Friends.

I can now tell you without hesitation that Fox & Friends is the worst morning show ever, and quite possibly the worst thing ever to hit the television airwaves.

Hosts Steve Douchey, Brian Kill-Me, and Gretchen "not in the face, that's how I makes my livins" Carlson will make you want to commit sepuku with the little plastic knife they give you at breakfast.

As far as I can tell, the show's sole purpose for existing is to latch on to the most inane and asinine attacks on President Obama and run with them for hours at a time. Yesterday morning, they had a real think piece on laughter in the press room. You see, people are laughing more at Robert Gibbs' jokes than they did at Bush's Press Secretary Dana Perino's. For the Fox & Friends crowd, this is a clear case of media bias. They're laughing at Gibbs' jokes because they like Obama! Why didn't I think of that? Oh yeah, because I'm not a paranoid right winger who sees media bias and the boogey man under my bed at night.

A few days ago, the worst show ever did a segment on the worst blog ever: a blog written in the character of Obama's teleprompter. The President uses a teleprompter when speaking in public? Teh horror! He should speak off the cuff like President Bush did. That worked out so well. Seriously, if you find the fact that the President uses a teleprompter amusing or controversial in any way, go fuck yourself and please don't breed.

I'm sure if I watch long enough, I'd see a segment on the birth certificate, whether or not the first lady is showing too much skin (not possible for a fox like Michelle Obama), or some well thought out mockery of the President and his wife having date night.

I won't be watching though. After the laughter/media bias fucktardery yesterday I've vowed to take my meals in another room.