American Idol Update: Week 11

In their ongoing effort to find someone "current", Idol featured Rat Pack week. Hmmm. No, I don't think that makes sense. I wasn't ready to deal with such nonsense, so I didn't watch. I did watch the results show for a change because I wanted to see Jamie Foxx's performance, which was, naturally, a let down.

Some random thoughts:

Danny Gokey = Taylor Hicks II

Somebody give Kara some cock already. The sexual innuendos aren't going to stop until she gets some.

What does Simon think about autotune? I enjoy it, but something tells me he's opposed at a very fundamental level.

While I'm on the subject, I love that a singing competition keeps featuring singers that use a computer to completely alter their voice.

Matt G is finally sent home about 11 weeks too late. I can't imagine anyone I know buying a CD from any of these hacks that remain. Next week Slash is the mentor. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Never Ever Watch These Movies

I'm currently on hiatus from Netflix, but had the movie itch so I went to the local video store. Naturally, they were out of The Reader and The Wrestler, my first two choices, so I had to go to backups. I was mildly curious about The Day the Earth Stood Still and The Spirit, so I grabbed them. My bad...

The Spirit - Frank Miller, Samuel L. Jackson, Eva Mendes, AND Scarlet Johansson? How could it go wrong! Oh, they found a way and didn't take long either. The Spirit is basically a coyote and roadrunner cartoon shot in the style of Sin City. Twenty minutes into this debacle, I had lost interest and starting wondering when I was going to return it. I don't often turn movies off, but The Spirit wasn't going to suck any more of my time.

The Day the Earth Stood Still - Now with this one, I expected it to be cheesy. That doesn't mean it can't be entertaining though. Sadly, this wasn't entertaining. It was boring. Keanu Reeves was stiff and wooden throughout the entire movie. I know what you're saying, "Oh Skynet, you've clearly forgotten he's always turning in wooden performances!" I realize that. He takes wooden to a new level here though. In most of his scenes, he could have easily been replaced by a department store manequin. He just sits and stares, periodically opening his yap to reveal a frustratingly tiny bit of the plot. By the time you find out what is going on, you no longer care.

On the advice of Blue Napkins' sister, another turd of a film was rented later in the evening...

Repo: The Genetic Opera - Here we have your run of the mill goth musical staring Paul Sorvino, Paris Hilton, and some dude who looks suspiciously like Rutger Hauer. Its set in a dystopian future where organs are subject to repossession if you can't pay for them. The repo man scours the city hunting down the delinquent transplant recipients and removes them on the spot, while Paul Sorvino's kids fight over who is going to inherit the family organ business. Now, this certainly sounded promising, but its thrown together in such a careless and irritating way, I again lost interest pretty quickly. By the time Paris Hilton's face falls off in the third act, I was so ready to run to the bathroom and hang myself to make the pain stop, I couldn't properly enjoy her long overdue disfigurement.

The Town has Decided: Sex is Bad, Mmmkay?

Apparently, my local town council has solved most of our town's problems, and now have time to focus on completely inane garbage, such as pissing all over the First Amendment.

The draconian codes they have implemented concerning construction and advertising have already choked the quirky, free feeling right out of our strange little hole. In what can only be described as overwhelming cognitive dissonance, our council has managed to pass incrementally more ludicrous restrictions in the name of "preserving our town's old-western feel" while simultaneously allowing, no begging, businesses such as Home Depot and Super Wal-Mart to come plow down acres of beautiful desert for their sick, bloated concrete monstrosities. They resolve this by having them paint the beasts beige. While more small businesses continue to buckle in the west end of town, new buildings keep popping up in the east end of town, and remaining empty. Perhaps by "western" they mean "ghost town."

As if watching the small, dusty town I grew up in continue to be raped wasn't disheartening enough, I come across this little gem today. Yes. Finally. Yucca Valley has decided to crack down on adult stores, because if there is one thing that is anti-children, it's having sex...?

For those of you who do not click on links, Lori Herbel is proposing that the town enforce stricter limitations on adult stores, including limited floor-space allowance and making them move off the main highway. This is all because we must "think of the children!" Most of the council seems to have reacted with great discomfort. While they all want to please their predominantly conservative constituents by condemning vibrators and breast-shaped mugs, many of them also see the topic for the huge legal can of worms that it is.

I am relieved that the town attorney, at least, has some grasp of the law. One should expect that from an attorney. One should also expect that from a council member, but that's obviously asking too much of these knuckle-draggers. Mssrs. Mayes and Neeb had surprisingly intelligent and realisitic responses to the subject, aware that the proposition was treading on dangerous ground.

The law states that they cannot interefere with the business' ability to generate revenue. Forcing them to move off the main highway would do just that. Our town only has ONE damn street where businesses exist, and a large number of those places are already empty. Now they want to force legitimate, law-abiding businesses to relocate to undesirable areas because they sell "naughty" items.

Seriously? Have these people really got nothing better to do? I would recommend a good lay for all of them, especially Ms. Herbel. It might dislodge the stick from her ass if she does it right.

American Idol Update: Week 10

Disco night. Ugh. For as much bitching and moaning Simon does about whether or not these people "sound current", its pretty idiotic to turn around and have disco night.

I've given up watching the show on TV. Too many of the performances are just unbearable. Fortunately, this gal puts the performance videos up so you can pick and chose which ones to watch. Me? I chose not to watch Gokey. His singing and stage persona make me want to throw up all over my TV.

Proving that last week truly was a fluke, Kris and Adam were predictably awful this week. So was everyone else though, so I don't know what to tell you. One thing I've noticed though. I'm really f-ing tired of Allison's voice. That gravelly two pack a day voice works if you're Stevie Nicks, but only if you're Stevie Nicks. If you sound like that when you're 16, its just weird.

I hate you Idol. Get out of my life.

Lady Gaga Must Go Away

I think I speak for everyone when I say Lady Gaga must go away now. We've all heard Poker Face enough times to make us run away from the radio screaming and shouting profanities. I'd say that means we've had enough. Seriously, if she is allowed to continue, some batshit crazy right winger will go shoot up a Del Taco. I don't want to see that. I like Del Taco.