God, Give Me the WilPower

It was 1991; I was 13 years old, and I dreamed of exploring space, particularly exploring space holding the hand of dreamy, teen-heartthrob, Wil Wheaton. I took a break from writing bad poetry, listening to New Kids on the Block and fantasizing about the way futuristic spandex clung to sinewy, teenage glutes to write a letter to my favorite Star Trek character. Unfortunately, I can only vaguely imagine what said letter contained, as it was jettisoned into Wil's eagerly waiting mailbox twenty years ago.

Fast forward to last weekend: I was thumbing through one of my many Enterprise manuals for the sake of nostalgia with some friends when this amazing little envelope fell out into my lap.

Oh, man! The beloved response I had received from my darling Wesley, tucked away in a Star Trek book and forgotten for decades. Having long since grown up and moved on to more mature pastimes, such as fantasizing about Patrick Stewart, I was bemused and slightly embarrassed at this evidence of my teenage dorkliness. The room was alive with excitement as we pried the relic open to peer at the contents within.

First of all, there was this EPIC picture, complete with what is likely a photocopied signature on the back.

Though I fully appreciate the era-appropriate reference to Bill and Ted, I have to wonder whether the kid was getting paid to pimp Batman or if he was really just that big of a nerd. Given recent evidence on the interwebs, I'm leaning pro-nerd.

The real gem of the collection, however, was this terrible, grainy photocopy of an invitation to join the Wil Wheaton fanclub, boasting almost 1500 members world-wide!!

Now, the membership fee is $12.50 to join and $5 for each following year. I don't see a time limit on this document, so I wonder... if I fire this baby off to Wil's current address with my check for $12.50, what will I get in return? Will he send me whatever has laying around on his desk? Ignore me? Have a good laugh and just cash the check like a bastard, maybe apply it to his terrible sweater fund?

What's a smartass girl to do?

My god Bones, what have I done...

Where have you gone Edward Furlong?

Upland Lemon Festival

So the Skynet crew briefly visited the Upland Lemon Festival today and left with a real sour taste in their mouths. This festival is a real lemon. For starters, there really aren't any lemons. There were food booths, terrible music, and several garish hat booths, but few lemons. One of the two lemonade stands we saw was Hot Dog on a Stick. The crowd wasn't much of a squeeze either. We had hoped we would love it so much, you couldn't peel us away, but it just left us puckered.

Self Aware? Really?

Apparently, Skynet achieved this state today.

Anyone being slain by their cyborg in your neighborhood? Seen any riderless motorcycles screaming down the highway?

Just asking ...

Fin



Above, Christian Bale trains hard for the sequel, American Terminator Psycho

Sparklecado Update: Stardate 64757.6

I should probably plant this thing soon.

Governor X's Top Movies of 2010

While 2010 was pretty bleak music wise, it was more than solid in terms of movies. When compiling this top 10, I had to cut quite a few. Onto the list:

10. Machete
Originally conceived as a joke trailer in between the two films that made up The Grindhouse (Planet Terror was classic, Deathproof was beyond awful), Machete was expanded into a full length feature film by director Robert Rodriguez. Its hilariously over the top action, absurd plot, hamhanded political message and Lindsey Lohan dressed as a nun all wrapped into one neat little package.

9. Predators
Predators is easily the best sequel in the series and the only one that can really hold a candle to the original. Don't get me wrong, I liked Alien vs Predator, but it's not going down in history as an action classic. So what's the deal here? Think original Predator, but set on another planet. Adrien Brody will cut you!

8. Harry Brown
Revenge movies and Michael Caine are awesome, so someone finally decided to combine the two. Caine plays an old man named Harry Brown oddly enough who lives in the British equivalent of the projects. When his friend is killed, Harry takes matters into his own hands.

7. Black Swan
Black Swan is a well made, well acted, and fascinating movie that isn't all that pleasant to watch. Sure, Natalie Portman's aggressive masturbation scene is alright by me, but her decent into madness so well done it leaves you feeling a bit off yourself. On a side note, Vincent Cassel has never been so perfectly cast as he is here as a sleazy European ballet troupe leader.

6. The Social Network
A movie about the founding of Facebook didn't sound all that interesting to me but it got such strong reviews I felt compelled to watch it. Its a good movie, but think it and Jesse Eisenberg's performance in particular are a little overrated.

5. Scott Pilgrim vs the World
Sooner or later, Michael Cera's schtick is going to get old. I thought we might be seeing that with Year One and Youth in Revolt. Then came Scott Pilgrim to prove me wrong. This is one of the most original movies I've seen in years. It's shot partly in the style of Nintendo video games as we follow Scott's attempt to defeat his new love interest's seven evil exes.

4. The King's Speech
I really wanted to hate this movie on principle. Before anyone saw it, it was getting Oscar buzz and it seemed like one of those movies that seemed to have no purpose for existing other than collecting gold statues. Try as I might, I couldn't hate it. In fact, I liked it. You know exactly where the story is going and some of the historical facts are handled a bit loosely, but it is an all around fine film.

3. Inception
Inception was good enough that I felt it lost something the second time around and it still made #3 on this list. Leonardo DiCaprio leads a team of people who go inside people's dreams.

2. True Grit
I'm not a huge John Wayne fan, but the original is one of his better films. Jeff Bridges manages to shake off The Dude for a couple hours to bring us a new version of Rooster Cogburn that manages to be better than the original. It isn't just Bridges either, the Coen's version of the 1969 classic is superior in nearly every way.

1. 127 Hours
I am admittedly a Danny Boyle fanboy, but his last couple of films have garnered him the professional accolades I always felt he deserved. A full 2/3rds of 127 Hours consists of a man with his arm stuck between a rock and a canyon wall. Even with that type of material, 127 Hours is never boring, never drags, and keeps you hanging on every second. It is one of the most unique and ultimately uplifting movies you will ever see.

Oooops...

Governor X's Top Albums of 2010 - Revised

2009 was a great year for music. In fact, it was so great I was able to put together a Top 15. No such luck this year. Even getting to 10 was a struggle, which you will see shortly. I blame the sorry state of radio. I can't bear to listen to it anymore, so I am exposed to very little in the way of new music. I'm essentially relegated to new releases from bands I already like.

Revision - When I initially wrote this, I had not heard Arcade Fire's The Suburbs. Neon Bible was OK, but it was essentially one long Pulp ripoff so I didn't bother to listen to the new one. Grammy glory changed my mind and I'm glad I did. Sorry Tron: Legacy Soundtrack...you've been chopped.

Biggest Disappointment: Black Eyed Peas - The Beginning
Fuck you Peas. I spend the better part of two years defending The E.N.D. and you repay me with this turd?


10. Serj Tankian - Imperfect Harmonies
I didn't even know this existed until I was scouring the 2010 album releases to refresh my memory. If you liked the first Serj Tankian solo CD, this is essentially more of the same.
Download Disowned Inc.

9. Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
See my comments above
Download Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)

8. K's Choice - Echo Mountain
This can't really hold a candle to their work in their first go-around as a band, but it's solid and it's great to have them back together. Now tour the US bitches.
Download Come Live the Life

7. Bruno Mars - Doo Wops and Hooligans
I enjoy this now, but I can't see listening to it for years to come. Live in the moment or something.
Download Grenade

6. Jimmy Eat World - Invented
If you wanted something new from them this would probably disappoint you. They've settled into an almost Cake-like groove of releasing the same album over and over. Fortunately it's a pretty good album.
Download My Best Theory

5. Kylie Minogue - Aphrodite
Easily her best album ever and the best dance-pop album by anyone since before Madonna starting lifting weights.
Download Aphrodite

4. Brandon Flowers - Flamingo
Half of this CD is meh, but the other half is really fantastic. I could listen to Crossfire on an endless loop for 3 weeks and not get tired of it.
Download Crossfire

3. Linkin Park - A Thousand Suns
Linkin Park keeps getting better with every album they release. This effort may be a little pretentious for some, but it probably weeded out the last of the Rockstar drinking meathead fanboys who followed their early work.
Download The Catalyst

2. Stone Temple Pilots - Stone Temple Pilots
Try as I might, I can't find fault with this album. By all accounts Scott Weiland should be dead, the band hasn't released anything in nine years, and rock music is in decline - yet here it is. I love every track.
Download First Kiss on Mars

1. My Chemical Romance - Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys
I don't hesitate to say My Chemical Romance has moved up to join the likes of R.E.M. and U2 on the list of my favorite bands. If you lose the interludes, their latest CD builds masterfully from catchy pop to hard punk.
Download Bulletproof Heart

Sparklecados: Day 325

A long time has passed since our last Sparklecado update and I'm not even sure the date is correct. It is 325 days since we planted Sparklecado 1, but that poor sucker has passed on. Our oldest Sparklecado, #3, was started on 7/19/2010 so it is 181 days old. Sparklecado #4 A New Hope was started on 8/23/2010 so it is 146 days old. Whatever. Since this blog is now updated with what scientists describe as "Ironside Frequency" it really doesn't matter. Day 325 sounds more impressive and that counts from the start of the Sparklecado project. Here is what we have:

Sparklecado #3 has made a lot of progress. It is the only Sparklecado thus far that has grown more than one root. As you can see it has taken on the form of one of the harvesters from The Matrix. You should fear it since it will likely grow so large it will harvest your organs. That or die when we try to transfer it to soil like its predecessors.

Sparklecado #4 - A New Hope is very much alive as well. Unfortunately it doesn't look like anything from the Matrix. It just looks like a plant. I'm pretty wary of transplanting Sparklecado #3 to the soil since the last one died so quickly. #4 is going to be the next one to go to the soil. God speed little plant, god speed.

Both have survived our harsh winter. We had almost three weeks of bad weather which is unheard of. Now that it is pleasant again, I expect big things from these plants. In related news, Eclipse may be the worst Twilight movie yet.