American Idol Update: Finale/Ha-Ha Look at You Edition

The 2009 American Idol is...NOT Adam Lambert!

Cooler heads wearing less eyeliner prevailed and Kris Allen won the contest. In a feat that would have made Mayor Daly proud, Kris managed to get 38 million votes from Arkansas, a state with less than 3 million people.

The finale (part 2 of it) was a true cavalcade of crap. All the old people you voted off made their triumphant return to torment us with their "singing" (or cawing as the case may be). For good measure, Idol went and raided the recording industry's rest home and forced poor old men Lionel Richie, KISS, Steve Martin, and what appeared to be a wax figure of Rod Stewart up on stage to perform.

Some other highlights...

The Black Eyed Peas performed their latest nonsensical yet irresistible hit Boom Boom Pow. Fergie seems to be some sort of Frankenstein now. The insane bag lady hair and face don't match the supermodel body.

In yet another attempt to upstage Bikini Girl, Kara sings with her and strips down on stage.

"Norman Gentle" returned. Now that waterboarding is illegal, terrorists are being forced to watch his comedy routine until they break. Khalid Sheik Muhammad lasted 6 minutes before crying like a girl.

Poking fun at cripples everywhere, Idol forces the blind guy to dance during the group performance numbers.

So that's it for Idol. Good riddance for now, but come back soon.