American Idol Update: Week 13
Crikey! Skynet is actually doing the American Idol update on time? In the immortal words of former would-be vice-President, abstinence advocate, and 45 year old grandma Sarah Palin, you betcha!
Tonight, the three remaining contestants did two songs. They picked one and the judges, in no real order, picked one. You can read the damage assessment below:
Gokey - I have no idea what he sang, since when he opens his mouth and starts with that butter churning "dance" he does, I curl up in the fetal position, cover my ears, and wait for death.
Adam - The judges picked U2's One and he picked Crying by Aerosmith. Frankly both bands should press charges since Adam raped both songs. Unless a grown ass man shrieking like a banshee is your thing, I don't know how you can support this goon.
Kris - Judges pick: Apologize by One Republic, Kris' pick: Heartless by Kanye West. Apologize was off key, but not a total disaster, particularly when compared to the Adam/Gokey trainwrecks. I may actually go so far as to say his version of Heartless was actually good. He might be worth a damn if he'd put down that insufferable guitar. It gives him an Ivy League playing guitar on the quad douchebag feel.
Bono should publicly blame Lambert for the African AIDS epidemic. That rendition nearly drove RabidHobo to emo genocide.
I think Jar Jar Binks singing One would have been seen as the most profound performance in musical history if compared to that asshole's version. They need to start passing out razors and how to books at high schools to prevent this crap from floating to society's surface in the future.
RABID OUT
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