A Health Care Reform Haiku

Government health care
Too bad it will not happen
It won't give you AIDS

BUH-BYE

Can we all stop talking about the Wasilla Hillbillies now?

Akon has Issues

If you're heavily immersed into the world of autotune infused hip hop as I am, you're probably quite familiar with Akon, but who is the man behind hits like Beautiful and Na-Na-Na?

Well, Akon is a Muslim from Senegal. These aren't the issues I spoke of in the title, but it certainly sets him apart from most hip hop artists. The interesting part is when you get more details about his faith and then compare it to his lyrics.

For example, he claims to have never had alcohol, but like all hip hop artists, drinking with whores is a staple of his music. It gets better though. There are rumors that he has at least three wives. Brigham Young and Akon...two peas in a pod. Who knew?

Then there's the diamond mine and the denial of the existence of blood diamonds. Yep. He claims the concept of blood or conflict diamonds were just trumped up because of the movie.

Akon, you're pretty weird, but your music is awesome, so I'll forgive it.

In Defense of "Rock Lawns"

Recently on the Facebook, while I was waiting for a plane at Sky Harbor airport in Phoenix, I mused that I'd like to stay there (Phoenix, not the airport). To those who know me well, this really isn't news, but it was still met with stale remarks about the heat and "rock lawns".

Newsflash: Southern California needs more "rock lawns" too.

First, its called xeriscape, not a "rock lawn". The concept is simple: If you live somewhere without much water, don't put shit in your yard that requires large amounts of it like, oh I don't know, grass... Fascinating yes? According to the EPA, 7 billion gallons of water are used a day to water your precious lawn.

Second, Southern California doesn't have much water. It doesn't rain much, we don't have any of our own, and lets face it, we can't steal it from NorCal and the Owen's Valley forever. If you care to find out just how screwed we are water wise, I suggest you grab a copy of Cadillac Desert. Read it, learn it, and then give your mockery of "rock lawns" another look.

The Cage Man Hits Another Home Run

The prolific and Academy Award winning Nic Cage has done it again.

Knowing is an absolute masterpiece.

Its a story you may have heard before. Cage plays Dr. John Koestler, an MIT Astrophysics professor, single dad, and atheist whose son comes into possession of a paper covered in numbers written by a crazy girl fifty years earlier and placed in a time capsule at the local elementary school. Upon closer inspection, Koestler notices the numbers correspond to a series of disasters during that fifty year time frame. Some of the dates are in the near future. Are they a prediction of doom? Is Cage somehow chosen to prevent the disasters? Will he reconcile with his father?

Any additional information would spoil the movie for you. Knowing is tense, riveting, and shockingly creepy in parts and well worth a spot in your Netflix queue.

W to Display Saddam's Gun at His Presidential "Libary"

George W. Bush, the worst President ever, will apparently be displaying Saddam Hussein's gun at his Presidential "Libary". It makes sense I suppose. Deposing Saddam was really the only success of his Presidency, even though it came in the midst of his greatest mistake (invading Iraq in the first place). Still, as a symbol of those 8 long, torturous years, I find it lacking. Here are some nick nacks I think might better represent the Bush Presidency:

The Mission Accomplished Banner
The Flight Suit
The Cod Piece
My Pet Goat
The Pretzel
The DVD of Katrina news clips his staff made him a week after the storm wiped half of New Orleans off the map
The rag the CIA stuffed in Khalid Sheik Mohammad's mouth when they waterboarded him 183 times
The Shoes
The Segway he fell off
Whatever the hell that thing attached to his back during the 2004 debate with John Kerry was

Roger Federer is Better Than You

If you weren't up this morning to watch the Wimbledon Men's Final, then let me put it to you this way: You missed the greatest player ever win the greatest match ever. Sucks for you.

Nobody saw this one coming. Everyone, including those with the gift of premonition such as myself, saw Federer steamrolling Andy Roddick in straight sets to win Wimbledon and claim his record breaking 15th Grand Slam title. I forgot to take into account the fact that Federer is so good he will occasionally toy with his opponent like a predator.

He could have crushed Roddick, but what fun would that be? How would the legend benefit from that? Nah, the correct way to do this was to drag it out into a four hour deatchmatch, pulling out victory with a 16-14 5th set (No 5th set tiebreakers at Wimbledon).