American Idol Update: Week 7 (also Intro to Modern Art 205)

No art class tonight. Professor Governor X is tired. I blame you, dear readers. Let's just do Idol.

Its Lennon and McCartney night. We may actually have some good stuff come out of this (who am I kidding?), or at the very least, some entertaining fail. What's wrong with Paul McCartney? He seems like he's intoxicated. Furthermore, whatever happened to that peg-legged wife of his?

Aaron Kelly - The other contestants have nicknamed him Yoda. I'd name him asshat. Asshat is singing The Long and Winding Road. Lennon and McCartney wrote hundreds of great songs and you picked probably the most boring of them all. Snooze.

Katie Stevens - Let it Be. I wish she had let this song be. Its one of my favorite Beatles songs and she's not doing it justice. Frankly, this is ghastly and I can't wait for it to end. The judges liked it. I'm guessing they were listening to the original on their iPods.

Andrew Garcia - I was just reminded that this was the name of a douchebag I used to work with who is truly one of the most objectionable people I've ever met. He's from New Jersey, carries around that weird ex-military chip on his shoulder, and suffers from a severe case of short man syndrome. Idol's Andrew Garcia probably isn't a bad person like the other one, but he certainly sucks as a musician. Someone bang the gong already and thet this man off the stage!

Michael Lynche - Barry White Wannabe is tackling Eleanor Rigby. Draw the windows and get out the cutting razor, its depression time gang! Um dude, this doesn't really work as a peppy R&B track. What a disaster. Remember what I said about catching some epic fail tonight? Well here you go.

Sudden thought...if no one sings I Am the Walrus tonight, I'm going to start a riot.

Another thought...Meg Whitman, get off my TV. You're a cow. Running California isn't anything like running a "business" where you can sell Crazy Aunt Rita's ceramic cat collection after she asphyxiates in the garage. You suck. Go away. Ask Governor Al Checchi and Senator Michael Huffington how buying political seats in this state works out.

Crystal Bowersox - Blue Napkins calls her Treasure Troll. I'm going with Treasure Trail. The didgeridoo isn't necessary Treasure Trail. Your smelly hippie street cred is safe. Fact: I own a really sweet didge with a turtle carved on it. Why? My smelly hippie street cred needed some bolstering.

Tim Urban - Even with Vote for the Worst backing this guy can't survive much longer can he? Can he????? The judges praised him, so he's probably doomed. Vote for the Worst will probably have to move on to Katie Stevens next.

Casey James - Pretty boy is disqualified. Jealous Guy isn't a particularly interesting song and this performance is sleepy, but more importantly its a Lennon song and this is Lennon and McCartney night. Sorry dude, you're out. Go give Kara the lovin' she so desperately needs.

Siobhan Magnus - Across the Universe. Pipe down and bask in the awesomeness you jackholes. Truthfully I was hoping she would be the one to do I Am the Walrus. No such luck.

Lee Dewyze - Two words into Hey Jude and I want to punch him. Turrrible.

No one did I Am the Walrus, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to start a riot. Clear a path!

I learned how to riot in France.