American Idol Update Week 8

Its Elvis week and Adam Lambert is the mentor. That's an awful lot of pelvic thrusting for Ma and Pa Kettle in flyover country. I hope they can handle it. I really can't deal with anymore fake outrage from these hayseeds.

Also, my art class has run out of steam. Its too much work, and above all else, I'm lazy, so you're just going to have to take a real art class if you want to better yourself. You certainly won't better yourself by reading Idol recaps. I'm sure I'll have another half baked idea that will go unfinished before the season is over.

Crystal Bowersux - Haha. Get it? Bowersux! Because I don't care for her. Don't care for the song either. I'm sure you're shocked to hear that. Did you know Elvis was high as a kite in this picture with Nixon? If Nixon got high once in awhile he would have been a lot more mellow.

Andrew Garcia - Looks like they're getting the worst contestants out of the way early. I can respect that. Whether or not I can survive it is another story. Quit using your son as a crutch. No one cares that you're a father. Haha! Lambert just told him he's boring. That made my night. Randy just said it was awful karaoke too. Because the judges used their save last week, this dude is toast. Go back to Moreno Valley you bum!

Tim Urban - I go months at a time without a haircut, so I'm hardly one to talk, but this dude really needs to visit a Great Clips. He'll look like they ran a lawnmower over his head afterwards, but so be it. This was easily his least awful performance on the show. Vote for the Worst is going to need a new candidate.

Lee Dewyze - I'd love to hear a little less of A Little Less Conversation. This guy is so bland. I think he came off the same assembly line that produced David Cook and Chris Daughtry. Remember GM cars in the 80's? GM would make one model car and put a Chevy, Pontiac, Buick, Cadillac, and Oldsmobile logos on it so they could offer "five" models. That's what's going on here. Boring, just like the Chevy Celebrity.

Aaron Kelly - Blue Suede Shoes. Puke. Shouldn't this kid be in school?

Siobhan Magnus - Uh oh, she sounds borderline sane in the interview tonight. I hope she still sounds good. The crazy is part of her appeal. Siobhan and Lambert...what a pair. She's doing Suspicious Minds. Yay, one of the few Elvis songs I like. This started out good, but this lounge act ending is hideous. What are you doing to me girl? Its OK. We're still tight.

Michael Lynche - The judges wasted their save on this guy last week. You've seen all you're going to out of him. Time to break it off. What the hell is Kara wearing?

Katie Stevens - This girl really isn't very good. She also looks a lot older than 17. I don't know this song either. Its pretty cheesy though.

Casey James - I really hope this is the last performance. I can't deal with anymore Elvis tonight. This theme needs to die on the commode prior to next season.

Whew. Its over. Lambert will be performing tomorrow on the results show, so put the kiddies to bed early and break out the bondage gear. Stay tuned for Glee? No u.

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