ALCS & NLCS Prognostications

Skynet blogger and real person Finksi didn't do so well predicting the outcome of the Dodgers and Cardinals NLDS series, so this time around we've dispatched two fictional characters to preview the ALCS and NLCS. What the hell - its worth a shot. Without further ado, Skynet is proud to present the profound prognostications effeminate vampire Edward Cullen and the Prophet Muhammad.



ALCS
California Angels (97-65) at New York Yankee$ (103-59)

Edward: As you know from your dogged devotion to the insane ramblings of middle aged shrew Stephanie Meyer, we Cullens love baseball. In fact, the only thing we love more is being sexlicious. That said, I can't show any love for this series. Where are my beloved Seattle Mariners? Oh yes, they're quite dreadful. Little known fact: Ichiro sparkles in the sunlight as well, that's why he stays with that rubbish team. I don't know who to pick. I lied earlier. I don't really follow baseball. Who can find the time? My hair isn't this disheveled naturally you know. It takes hours. Every day. I guess I'll take the Angels in 6.

Muhammad: This match-up makes me SO ANGRY! GRRRR! Think about it, I get to choose between servants of the Christian god or Yankee imperialists who are undoubtedly under the control of the Zionists. Why couldn't the Twins have made it? Now there's a proper Muslim team. Ron Gardenhire won't let his wife drive. I don't care who wins this series. Go with whatever the queer vampire says.

NLCS
Philadelphia Phillies (93-69) at Los Angeles Dodgers (95-67)

Muhammad: I don't know what a Phillie or a Dodger is. Isn't a Phillie some sort of horse? Arabian horses are the shit. They aren't horses? Fuck. Apparently this is a replay of last year's NLCS. The Phillies won that one. Lightning doesn't strike twice, plus Los Angeles has their secret weapon this year: Vicente Padilla. Dodgers in 5.

Edward: Hmmm? My turn? Sorry, I was brooding. People in Philadelphia aren't very sexy. No one sparkles there. Oh sure, a few glisten, but that's because they are covered in grease from their dreadful food. These "cheese steak" things are simply abominable. That rot goes straight to my thighs. The Native American kids/werewolves seem to be high on the Phillies, so naturally I have to swing the other way. Dodgers in 7.

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So there it is, Edward Cullen and the Prophet Muhammad predict an Angels/Dodgers world series. Wouldn't that just cause a wave of aneurysms at ESPN! I've been rooting for a "Freeway Series" pretty much since I began following the game and this is the closest we've ever been, so who am I to disagree? Go Dodgers!