More Teen Bullshit

While in line for agonizing hours with Governor X, waiting for the U2 concert to commence, he sprang this lovely little number on us.


Notice how lovingly he is clutching the package. It is clear to me our good Governor longs for whatever Edward has in his box.

But this isn't just another box of the same old shitty vampire candy. A new movie means a new FLAVOR.



Lemonessence. This one was the exact shade of white that lemons are not, and vaguely sparkled. It also tasted like Lysol.

Then, come Halloween, the same insane sister that previously broke my Twilight candy cherry sent me something new.



The chocolates come in three different flavors, Edward, Jacob, and Bella, each with their own clever shape. I assume they were filled with gooey centers so you could pretend to suck their blood, or something.

I fully expected Edward to contain a fruit filling, however he contained nothing more than run-of-the-mill caramel. It was shaped like the Cullen coat of arms. BO-RING.

Jacob's candy was full of peanut butter and shaped like a wolf howling at the moon. Also boring and completely lame.

Bella's candy delivered. It was fashioned in a simple heart shape, with "bella" scrawled across it in lower-case letters, because the teens of today are not keen on punctuation. Upon bursting the Bella candy open, I discovered it was filled with what I can only assume is vampire and werewolf "creme." I don't ever want to eat chocolate again.


The Twilight candy money-shot.