The Super Bowl is going to suck

Last year, for the first time in my life, the Super Bowl had meaning. I've suffered with the Cardinals for years and it finally paid off last season when the almost won the game. It was a rough day on me. Every play made my heart skip a beat and I ultimately ended up angry and depressed for about a week after the game. I'm sure its better if you win.

This year, I'm back to not really caring about the outcome of the game. I can't just sit back and enjoy it though because I really don't want either one of these teams to win.

Indianapolis Colts

First, f the Colts. They had a chance to shut the bitter old farts of the 72 Dolphins up once and for all, but they decided to quit. They will never be forgiven for that. In addition to that, I've loathed this team for years. I don't know why. Even that stupid horseshoe on the helmet bugs me. I can't root for these assholes.

New Orleans Saints

I kind of resent the fact that I'm expected to root for this team because New Orleans was hit by a hurricane five years ago. A Super Bowl trophy isn't going to rebuild the lower ninth ward or bring the thousands of people who died in that terrible storm back to life. Its just going to make a few drunks in the French Quarter happy. Also, "WHO DAT" annoys the hell out of me. I don't get why its catchy or clever and I'm tired of hearing it. No, I can't root for these people either.

The Who

The halftime show has been getting worse and worse since Janet Jackson's nipple was exposed for a nanosecond a few years ago. Organizers keep dusting off dinosaur bands to perform a greatest hits medley that won't offend Grandma Farnsworth in Fargo. This year its The Who, a band that hasn't been relevant since the Nixon administration. Next year, in an effort to play it even more safe, the halftime show will be a hologram of Frank Sinatra. No, I'm not looking forward to this.

Commercials

Commercials suck, but somehow our society has gotten so twisted that people actually look forward to Super Bowl commercials. Its gotten so bad that for the last two weeks we've been inundated with commercials trying to build up hype for Super Bowl commercials. To make things even worse this year, hillbilly and devoted Jesusfreak Tim Tebow will appear in an anti-abortion ad with his mother who thinks she knows better than her doctor. Keep in mind, CBS is airing this ad the same year they turned down a gay dating site's ad to avoid controversy - since as we all know, abortion is totally not controversial at all. No, I'm not excited about the commercials either.

So that's that. The game is going to suck, the halftime show is going to suck, and I don't care about the commercials. Lame. The Colts will win, probably pretty easily, and I will respond by farting in their general direction.