American Idol Update: Week 11 (Results?)

As I announced last evening, I refused to subject myself to "Harry Connick Jr arranges Frank Sinatra songs night" on Idol. I will however suffer through the results show to see Lady Gaga perform. She will probably come out with a dead peacock on her head or something. We'll have to wait and see.

First...this crap starts at 9? Give me a break. Just put it on at 8 and be done with it. Randy Jackson is dressed like the great pumpkin. This is going to suck.

The top five are doing a Sinatra medley. I feel like I caught the early bird buffet at the Colorado Belle in Laughlin. At least Laughlin would have female impersonators doing a Sinatra medley. Aaron Kelly sounds like a girl, and Big Mike has boobs, but it just isn't the same. Oh man, its going to be great when one of these losers goes home. I hope they cry. I will feed on their disappointment and gain strength.

I don't know that I've heard a Kris Allen song since he won last season. All he seems to do is Ford commercials. Dumb Ford commercials too. Ford is actually bragging that their cars are made for idiots. Hey, this car will automatically hide the body if you accidentally back over the neighbor's cat whilst texting!

Lee is first up. It feels like they've been talking to him since last Tuesday. Holy hell this guy is boring. He used to work at a paint store - I'm guessing fumes have a lot to do with his personality. Oh here we go. He's safe! Shocking!

RA RA AH AH AH, GA GA OOH LA LA is here to sing Alejandro. Yay! She appears to be wearing a mosquito net over her head and lingerie. One of her half naked male dancers just ripped her mosquito net off. She might get malaria you dick! Well, that was swell. She should perform every week.

We're a half hour into the "results" show and we've only been told one of the results. Fail. I already know who went home because I cheat, so its no skin off my back.

Harry Connick Jr is performing. Mute.

Wait...why am I still watching this? I already saw Lady Gaga and I know Aaron went home (oops, spoilers!). Nuts to this. See you next week.